Need alittle of life advice.

Ok, so I lost my job... And am trying to get into the army at the request of my brother and assertion of my mother. I've not had much luck in life so far being 23 years of age, high school drop out (hurting my employment oppurtunities), college drop out (Killing my chance for financial aid), and my attempts to return to college having been repeatedly delayed by financial issues that life likes to through my way.

On top of that all I have tried to get in to the armed services before and was disqualified. Which brings forth my primary issue. In order to qualify this time I'm having to lie. And it bothers me, I know intellectually and from experience that a certain amount of lie'n and cheating the system is a must to succeed in this world. However it does not bode well with me.

It was a childhood dream of mine to get into the armed forces. And after being disqualified in the past, I went through something similar to a depression, which took me a few months to start building some kind of future for me. I got a job at one of my tribes casino and worked there until recently. I had to leave the job due to my allergy to tobacco getting worst.

With the loss of my job I also had to drop my college courses due to not being able to pay the tuition. With my limited education and my hermit personality (limited social network / resources) it has been difficult to acquire a new job. And the military has a very promising solution to both issues.

Yet I find myself far less enthusiastic to join this time. It took me sometime to recover after being rejected and I have come to accept and enjoy a civilian life. I eventually came to the solution that God did not want me to follow that path and denied it to me. And I have a lingering feeling that I am wasting not only my time but the recruiters as well. That is not all...

Further, I'm not sure I could truly enjoy life in the military anymore. Having to lie and cheat to get in just does not feel right. I don't like the idea of it and thinking about it causes my stomach to ache. Not claiming I'm incapable of lieing, actually I have found I'm good at it so far... Yet I find every fiber of my being hates doing it.

Then there is the issue of my personal liberties and laid back life I have come to enjoy. Through the acknowledgment from observing my Navy Air-man brother. My personal Liberties such being able to eat, sleep, travel, and relax what I want, when I want, how I want, for what ever reason I want. With out having to consistently fill out paper work, and call to inform/ask permission. As for my laid back life, I've discovered I'm not one to enjoy pushing my limits physically. I'm never in a hurry to do things and always seek how to get things done more efficiently, faster, with less effort.

As you can see I'm having an issue...

You have already realized the disadvantages there are many and advantages which seem only to be one... money and it all boils down to is it all worth it? Now we can not solve this problem for you but I do wish you luck in finding the answer.

Why did you not qualify?

And maybe it's best that you don't.
Maybe there is a reason for you to stay.

It's been a while since I posted this thread. Sorry I didn't reply earlier, but I did read it.

As for whether I got a GED or not. I did, basically the first thing I did when I dropped out. I didn't want to drop out of high school, I was forced to by the administration. Which sucked because I only had 4 months left before graduation.

So I went to college at a small community college, and I loved it. Was the better part of my life, but I lived with my Grand Mother who smoked tobacco. Which it turns out is a irritant I am very sensitive to. Caused me to become very sick, lung infection. So I had to move out and back in with my mother. Who happened to live an hour away from the college, and I have a great dislike of driving. So I decided to drop my classes and go back to a college closer to home.

Unfortunately I didn't realize I had to "officially" drop out by filling out the proper paperwork. So I ended up failing the classes, and getting put on academic probation. Which means no more financial aid. So I had to find a job to return to college. At which point in time I decided to fulfill a childhood ambition and join the military.

Specifically the Marines whom I was about to finish filling out the paper work to ship when the issue of my childhood abuse was brought up by the doctor. Which I needed to get more information (documentation) on to appease their bureaucratic desires. Of course such documentation was near none existent due to the abuse happening over 8 years ago by that time.

Yet despite that the recruiters were very optimistic about my going in. However my brother decided he wanted to go into the navy and convinced me to join him. So that we could both go through training together. And that is where shit hit the fan. Needless to say I got temporarily disqualified and he got shipped.

I went threw a depression at the time and quit my job. In less the favorable conditions (I just called in and said I'm not coming back). And just set around for about 6 months. All along trying to convince the higher ups to let me in. Until they permanently disqualified me.

I eventually came out of my depression, and started working at my tribes casino. Which was a great at the time because I couldn't find employment anywhere else. It wasn't anything spectacular but it was money and I started paying off my debts from my first college endeavor. I worked there for a year until my allergy issues with the tobacco smoke became an intolerable issue. I was sick far to much which caused me to miss work a lot. Perform my job less and less effectively as time went by. And was causing medical bills to stack.

As such I decided to quit. And began to look into the army as I previously posted. But I decided not to go in. As such I've been unemployed since with not luck or hope of finding any such employment. I want to return to college but can't. And I'm forced to mooch of my mother.

So I'm a pathetic single male. Who can't land or hold a job. Never touched a women romantically, nor had a relationship. To think there was a time I was praised for being so talented. A time when I had friends, dreams, and my body was in damn fine shape.

Now I'm just a loser. Oh well, at least I'm decent enough not to commit suicide eh?